What can I (and we) do before another Nirbhaya or Swathi?
http://indianexpress.com/article/india/india-news-india/female-infosys-employee-hacked-to-death-in-chennai-2874289/
This news has been haunting me since I read about it on Friday afternoon.
Yes, Swathi's soul must rest in peace but what we must not put to rest is our efforts towards improving safety for not just women but generally for everyone around us. I am a parent too. I have been deeply disturbed like anyone else. I can't imagine her parents' and family's distress. Nobody deserves such an end and this being that of a soul so young and brimming with dreams for the future, is deeply disturbing.
Still, we all know that this is one of the few cases that is out in the public, Everyday, behind closed doors, there are numerous crimes happening that don't get highlighted in the media. A society without crimes is purely utopia. But, we can help in controlling/preventing a lot from happening.
I have been thinking continuously as to how I can be a part of the system and help on an individual level.. A lot of random thoughts.. Some sensible, some illogical..but I would like to put them all here for everyone's view. We need to talk about it.. It is okay to be wrong, we can debate and come up with solutions.. A few things that can be done by us as individuals:
1) Self-Protection Mechanisms: We spoke about pepper sprays soon after Nirbhaya. Then, we forgot about it. We thought we are back into safety zone. But the reality is we need to accept that we are always vulnerable. It is not just about being a woman. Even a man is vulnerable. A man who returns home from work around midnight is equally vulnerable to being attacked and robbed off his belongings. So, we need to equip ourselves with training in martial arts, think of protecting ourselves at times of distress and be ready.
2) Develop trust in the parent-child relationship: Irrespective of what the motive was behind this crime, this is something that will help generally in life: To ensure that your child trusts you in sharing information. It could be about even a bad touch they were subjected to in preschool or a man who has been stalking you. Honestly like many other women/men from my generation, I have experienced incidents which I have not shared with my parents till date because of fear of scaring them, or due to apprehension of opening up to them. But, things have changed now. There is more awareness in the area of parenting and we see how necessary it is to be a friend and a counsellor to our child. We need to let go of judgement or assumptions because today anything can happen and it may be totally independent of your child's action/behaviour. As a parent, I would ideally want my child to share any fears/threats she faces, but she might not. Yet, it will be a challenge to me and all parents to either be the one whom your child will confide in or atleast ensure they find that someone in the known circle (sibling/best friend/relative/a trusted counsellor).
3) Emphasise on healthy relationships: I am not touching upon any speculations in this particular case about it being a love vengeance. The exact truth is not out and manipulations are very common. But still children need to be taught about healthy relationships. Instead of telling them not to love or become friends with a person from a particular caste, talk to them about focussing on the individual and about the compatibility with them. Teach our sons and daughters to understand 'failure', rejections and take 'NO' for an answer. Teach them to respect freedom of choice. Tell them that rejection sometimes will make their life better. And that they don't have the right to harm another person physically or emotionally, irrespective of any kind of difference. In any relationship, see the other person as a human-being and not an identity of any religion/family/status/strata,etc.
4) Treat everyone equally: Many individuals who commit crime have been someone who has been let down by the society at some point. It could be the young boy who carries a heavy water can everyday to your house, who you judged and shouted at for bringing contaminated water. It was not his fault but he is at the receiving end. It could be the perfectly dressed sales guy whom we shouted at, judged him for pestering us. It is his job. He is already frustrated and we let him down more. I think we need to be compassionate to each other and it will definitely reflect in the society. Who knows, by being kind to a guy/girl who had been planning some sort of retaliation, we might make them think again.
5) Mentor a child who you know is from a traumatic background: Often individuals who resort to crimes have had a very difficult past/childhood. Organizations like NalandaWay Foundation, Schools of Equality do this through their programmes like Kanavu Pattarai and Gender Equality Education programmes. On an individual level, we can identify such children who are close to our family and build conversations. Make them feel significant in the society. Build their dreams. Help his/her parents in parenting them into confident individuals. Giving financial support is secondary. It is about making them feel worthy in the society.
6) Can we be an active citizen? This one is a little tough. Perhaps because we will be exposed in the public domain. But, we can try. To report suspicious individuals we see everyday, to cooperate with responsible public servants, to tip off police personnel when we face a threat, etc. I agree this will take time, but there is always a first step forward. Instead of questioning the people on the platform who didn't catch hold of the culprit, we might also want to question the next time we don't see proper security measures in place. Raise a petition offline or online and involve everyone in demanding a good system.
7) Take help from the media: People on many forums are lashing out on the media hype but you know what, we can be a healthy part of this system too. There are so many committed journalists I know personally who one can confidently reach out to in times of distress. If you know a journalist, you can use the contact positively. Or when you see some kind of injustice happening somewhere, one can write (anonymously if necessary) to a newspaper who in turn can help reach out to the right authorities and take action. We are powerful enough to shape the way media functions.
As one of my friends said, it is true that we can always keep pointing fingers. Yes,definitely an analysis and introspection needs to happen on the side of the Government, Police, society on the whole. But we need to think about solutions from our side. A life is gone now and many can be blamed. But dropping the blame game and ensuring that something as gruesome as this doesn't happen again is the challenge ahead. Can we do something about it as an individual?
This news has been haunting me since I read about it on Friday afternoon.
Yes, Swathi's soul must rest in peace but what we must not put to rest is our efforts towards improving safety for not just women but generally for everyone around us. I am a parent too. I have been deeply disturbed like anyone else. I can't imagine her parents' and family's distress. Nobody deserves such an end and this being that of a soul so young and brimming with dreams for the future, is deeply disturbing.
Still, we all know that this is one of the few cases that is out in the public, Everyday, behind closed doors, there are numerous crimes happening that don't get highlighted in the media. A society without crimes is purely utopia. But, we can help in controlling/preventing a lot from happening.
I have been thinking continuously as to how I can be a part of the system and help on an individual level.. A lot of random thoughts.. Some sensible, some illogical..but I would like to put them all here for everyone's view. We need to talk about it.. It is okay to be wrong, we can debate and come up with solutions.. A few things that can be done by us as individuals:
1) Self-Protection Mechanisms: We spoke about pepper sprays soon after Nirbhaya. Then, we forgot about it. We thought we are back into safety zone. But the reality is we need to accept that we are always vulnerable. It is not just about being a woman. Even a man is vulnerable. A man who returns home from work around midnight is equally vulnerable to being attacked and robbed off his belongings. So, we need to equip ourselves with training in martial arts, think of protecting ourselves at times of distress and be ready.
2) Develop trust in the parent-child relationship: Irrespective of what the motive was behind this crime, this is something that will help generally in life: To ensure that your child trusts you in sharing information. It could be about even a bad touch they were subjected to in preschool or a man who has been stalking you. Honestly like many other women/men from my generation, I have experienced incidents which I have not shared with my parents till date because of fear of scaring them, or due to apprehension of opening up to them. But, things have changed now. There is more awareness in the area of parenting and we see how necessary it is to be a friend and a counsellor to our child. We need to let go of judgement or assumptions because today anything can happen and it may be totally independent of your child's action/behaviour. As a parent, I would ideally want my child to share any fears/threats she faces, but she might not. Yet, it will be a challenge to me and all parents to either be the one whom your child will confide in or atleast ensure they find that someone in the known circle (sibling/best friend/relative/a trusted counsellor).
3) Emphasise on healthy relationships: I am not touching upon any speculations in this particular case about it being a love vengeance. The exact truth is not out and manipulations are very common. But still children need to be taught about healthy relationships. Instead of telling them not to love or become friends with a person from a particular caste, talk to them about focussing on the individual and about the compatibility with them. Teach our sons and daughters to understand 'failure', rejections and take 'NO' for an answer. Teach them to respect freedom of choice. Tell them that rejection sometimes will make their life better. And that they don't have the right to harm another person physically or emotionally, irrespective of any kind of difference. In any relationship, see the other person as a human-being and not an identity of any religion/family/status/strata,etc.
4) Treat everyone equally: Many individuals who commit crime have been someone who has been let down by the society at some point. It could be the young boy who carries a heavy water can everyday to your house, who you judged and shouted at for bringing contaminated water. It was not his fault but he is at the receiving end. It could be the perfectly dressed sales guy whom we shouted at, judged him for pestering us. It is his job. He is already frustrated and we let him down more. I think we need to be compassionate to each other and it will definitely reflect in the society. Who knows, by being kind to a guy/girl who had been planning some sort of retaliation, we might make them think again.
5) Mentor a child who you know is from a traumatic background: Often individuals who resort to crimes have had a very difficult past/childhood. Organizations like NalandaWay Foundation, Schools of Equality do this through their programmes like Kanavu Pattarai and Gender Equality Education programmes. On an individual level, we can identify such children who are close to our family and build conversations. Make them feel significant in the society. Build their dreams. Help his/her parents in parenting them into confident individuals. Giving financial support is secondary. It is about making them feel worthy in the society.
6) Can we be an active citizen? This one is a little tough. Perhaps because we will be exposed in the public domain. But, we can try. To report suspicious individuals we see everyday, to cooperate with responsible public servants, to tip off police personnel when we face a threat, etc. I agree this will take time, but there is always a first step forward. Instead of questioning the people on the platform who didn't catch hold of the culprit, we might also want to question the next time we don't see proper security measures in place. Raise a petition offline or online and involve everyone in demanding a good system.
7) Take help from the media: People on many forums are lashing out on the media hype but you know what, we can be a healthy part of this system too. There are so many committed journalists I know personally who one can confidently reach out to in times of distress. If you know a journalist, you can use the contact positively. Or when you see some kind of injustice happening somewhere, one can write (anonymously if necessary) to a newspaper who in turn can help reach out to the right authorities and take action. We are powerful enough to shape the way media functions.
As one of my friends said, it is true that we can always keep pointing fingers. Yes,definitely an analysis and introspection needs to happen on the side of the Government, Police, society on the whole. But we need to think about solutions from our side. A life is gone now and many can be blamed. But dropping the blame game and ensuring that something as gruesome as this doesn't happen again is the challenge ahead. Can we do something about it as an individual?
rightly said
ReplyDeletehey well said, every line is true, and all should follow.
ReplyDeleteself defense is more important and good relationship with parents and friends make our life better.
ReplyDeleteNice write up with deep thoughtful approach. As a parent I too feel this is need of the hour in mentoring & build trust amongst the child for a healthy relationship. I recommend to share & spread.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete