Something about sex and the society!

The recent arrest of a group of men who started a Facebook page posting pictures of young girl children (http://www.thenewsminute.com/article/after-malayalam-now-facebook-pages-tamil-paedophiles-shut-down) has sparked heated discussions on safety of children and their pictures online. This is only an extreme facet of the dangers that children face in today's world. However, this is not something that has been happening just in the last two or three years. Child sex abusers have existed for long and technology has only made the situation worse. 

The following post is based on experiences that people I know (friends and acquaintances) have shared with me. The names have been changed to protect the identity of the persons related to the experiences. Some of the incidents which I share here have happened as early as in the 80s and 90s. 

Sindhu, a 7 year old, was a very happy child. She was the only daughter and was very close to her parents. Her parents were working and she spent her Sundays with her father because her mother worked on shifts on weekends as well. One fine Sunday afternoon, some electrical repair work was going on in the house. The electrician was her father's friend and was very friendly to Sindhu too. So, Sindhu's father walked out to the store to pick up some tubelights and bulbs, leaving her alone in the house with the electrician 'uncle'.The uncle struck a conversation with the seven year old and in the middle of it, he tried to touch her chest. Sindhu didn't understand why he did it but she felt uncomfortable .The seven year old girl was too young to understand abuse but she clearly sensed a bad touch. This was enough to create a life long scar in her.

Ramesh, a ten year old was an extrovert. He had a lot of friends. During summer holidays , he would never sit idle and alone at home. He was either in his cousins' place playing video games or at his friends' place reading books and chatting away. One day, as he was enjoying his stay along with his cousins at his aunt's place, he noticed that one of his male cousins was approaching a younger female cousin with a 'bad' touch. He never knew the word 'incest' but he realized that what he saw wasn't healthy. The next day, the male cousin tried to touch Ramesh himself in a way that he didn't like. Ramesh was never told about good or bad touch. He resisted the act and ran away from the place. Unable to share this with any of the elders as he was scared they wouldn't support him, this incident remained in his mind as a scar.

Pooja was 13 years old. She was a bright student at school and shined with her performance in extra-curricular activities too. She never missed the school excursions that was organized every year. That year, she was in her 10th standard and the school had organized an excursion to Nagarcoil. All the students had to travel by an overnight train in sleeper class. The seats were allotted in different bogies with teachers to accompany everyone. Pooja, alongwith about twenty other girls and a teacher boarded their coach. Her seat was unfortunately in the first bay. After boarding and getting settled for the journey in the train, she noticed a man in his late twenties , probably a vendor sitting near the entrance next to her bay and staring at the girls. She felt uncomfortable but didn't know what to do about it. She was allotted the side lower berth in the first bay whereas all the other girls and the teacher got settled in the fourth bay. Everyone went to sleep. The next morning, when she woke up, she felt a bit uneasy. She felt as if she had had a really sound sleep which is unlikely on a train. A young father who was travelling with his small family walked up to her and said "Next time when you travel on a school trip, please be with your group and the teachers. There was this man who was trying to behave in an inappropriate manner with you when you were sleeping. Thankfully I noticed and chased him away. Please travel safe next time". She was shocked and confused. She couldn't ask for details. She thanked the co-passenger and walked away to her friends group.  As a teenager, she couldn't share this with her teachers or friends. This bad memory got etched in her mind for the rest of her life.

Ramya, a 16 year old was always interested in news and current affairs. She had a lot of dreams. She aspired to be famous one day either by becoming a television journalist or radio jockey. She keenly read newspapers everyday and watched the news without fail. Over a period of time, she began to ponder deeply about the number and intensity of rape incidents that were shown on television. The fact that news on sexual abuse was being used to boost prime-time viewership and to boost revenue hit her hard. She began to wonder why certain humans used sex as a tool to harm another human, irrespective of their gender and age. 

All of these young children and teens- Sindhu, Pooja, Ramesh and Ramya had been a victim of sexual abuse but never had the courage to speak up about it. Why? Nobody had ever introduced the topic to them as a child. Nobody had spoken to them about good or bad touch. Since they had all been victims of such uncomfortable incidents, none of them ever associated sex or touch with love or affection right from the beginning. They perceived sex as something harmful and as a crime. They began to think that their private parts made them vulnerable before such offenders. They thought that they weren't supposed to discuss this subject with elders. Their personal experience with sexual abuse had ingrained an unhealthy scar within their subconscious minds.

Can we actually prevent these scars in our children in today's world which has become even more vulnerable? The answer is Yes, after a lot of awareness that is being created today in schools, colleges and the social media. But, that isn't enough. We want more parents and teachers talking about this. The right kind of sex education should reach our children. The right kind of attitude towards one's own body should be taught to children right from their primary school levels. Children and teens should be taught to protect themselves in all places, beginning from home. Teaching them about good and bad touch isn't enough. We must be open to listening to their experiences and perceptions as well. We need more healthy and open discussions about sex and its link with health, obviously only when they reach an appropriate age, mentally mature enough to understand the topic. If you are a parent, start thinking today, whatever age your son or daughter may be in.. how and when are you going to talk to them about sex and protect them from abuse? Start learning today.